Moms say odd things.

Here’s a glimpse into my personal brand of mothering perfection.

I’ll keep this one short. It’s another one of those crazy, wonderful, busy days, but I’m taking a few minutes with a latte (I know that sounds so cliche….yoga pants mama and her latte and all, but I can’t help it…coffee is just better to me with steamed milk and I need the coffee, so here I am with my pretentious beverage) to make a list of things I actually said lately that sounded to me like things no real-life version of me would ever be saying. But I’m a mother to little ones, and with that comes all sorts of weirdness. So, here’s a little list of out of my mouth weirdness, things I actually and really did say:

1. Stop riding the dog. (The joys of having a dog that looks like a pony to a preschooler…)
2. I want to hire a sitter so I can  take a break to catch up on laundry or organize the kids’ clothes.  (Who other than a mother would pay 12 dollars an hour to do chores?…)

3. I’ll give everyone a chocolate chip for each thing they find in this house to give away. (And I was a genius and didn’t set any kind of limits on this…chaos….pure chaos around here as everyone brought everything to offer up in exchange for chocolate chips…nothing was sacred or safe…not even our pillows)
4. Tea party for dinner? (This goes along with other personal favorites of “Who wants cranberries for breakfast? Salad for dessert? Smoothies for dinner? Pizza party!-as in: crackers with tomato sauce and cheese on top for lunch today, kids! “. Feeding a family of six gets a little off sometimes…My family is well-fed, so please don’t worry, but there are days when meal time comes around and we make randomness work.
5. You’re in the toilet! (Yep.)
6. Please stop eating paper. Just…please. (Please.)

7. If you play outside for a little while, then I’ll let you be quiet and read for the rest of the day. (Okay, so I get this one and wouldn’t call it strange myself, but I’m thinking it might sound strange to the rest of the world out there….maybe a little backwards?….but that’s just the way it is around here…)

8. Will you come get this bug for Mama? (I know, this one is just shameful, but they’re braver than I am, and at least I’m honest and humble enough to admit it, right?)
9. Where are your pants?! (Okay, so this one isn’t too strange, but it’s just the crazy amount of times I say this in a week or even a day that is surprising to me. We had some friends visit once, and they commented that we say this pretty much all day long. What is it with toddlers losing their pants?…)
10. What I really want for my birthday is a steam mop. (Now that’s a gift.)

11. Did you just eat a dog treat? (Yes, they’re organic, but they are duck, and DOG treats…)

And on tomorrow’ agenda: number 12….whatever that may be.